Last night I made a rule for myself—in future I will never again enter a brothel/night bar/brasserie à femmes, call them what you will, without ——- one of the girls. Because this is ridiculous. To keep going to these places and keep leaving without having done anything is ridiculous. In future I will force myself to always go with one of the girls before I allow myself to leave. If there is no one I fancy, I will just go with the one that is least bad. That means waiting till I can travel with plenty of money. But I must start this. It is like going to a porn cinema without masturbating. Ridiculous. And never go to Rue d’Aerschot without doing something with one of the girls, too. This too will actually inspire me to save money to make this viable. Now, with this new rule in mind, I look forward to coming back to Brussels again. Even in Manhattan in Vienna in December, there were at least 3 very desirable girls but again I did nothing. This must stop. There is no point travelling at all if I keep doing nothing when I get there.
Yes I’d love to pop in to Caligula and King George but I cannot pay 100 euros to sit at the bar just looking at the girls, when I have so often baulked at paying even 20 euros to get in to Ciro [apparently Caligula is 89 euros before 6pm and KG is now just 49?]. Snowing now AGAIN. It keeps coming and going. 325 already.
216 Back in the Plaza bar. Flurries of snow outside, stopped already. I decided I don’t want to go to David Bowie’s Berlin house and next door café ENOUGH. I can no longer be bothered. It is too damn cold. No, it’s snowing again. Wow, hard now. Not sure what to do. I would like to pop back in to King George and/or Caligula but the trouble with flat-rate 100 euros entry f—k all you want brothels is it deters you from ever going in as you might not fancy anyone. I would love to go in, have a look at the talent on offer, have a couple of drinks and then move on, but at King George and Caligula that would set me back 100 euros even to do that (and last time I went to King George I went with girl to room only to have her demanding more money before having sex with me, which seemed to run counter to the whole idea of the place. When I refused she just gave me a handjob and wouldn’t even take her bra off! Scammed!). Better to save that money for Vienna—all those night bars filled with floozies are free to get into, just a beer to pay for. The new black ponytail Yugoslavian receptionist just came through the bar. She is like Princess Mort from Orpheé. On check in, she was checking in someone else, her blouse tight over bosoms and low cut and falling open, and you could always see the top of her cleavage. Quite intoxicating.
I am not a bad person, but the only world I feel comfortable in is the world of strip clubs, & brothels, & porn cinemas. The only time I feel at ease, and relaxed, and where I am meant to be; the only time my soul really soars. This precludes me from all normal “healthy” relationships; I feel suffocated, and imprisoned in them. My true nature just becomes ever stronger as I get older; it does not go away; on the contrary, it becomes more insistent; more strident; more unwilling to compromise. There are so many beautiful young women in the world and I want to enjoy as many of them as I can for as long as I can—given I have already lost in London: Carnival Strip, Astral Cinema, Sunset Cinema, Soho Cinema, Boulevard Strip, Peep Show (all of them), Pleasure Lounge; in Berlin: almost ALL of Stuttgarter Platz; in Vienna, Pour Platin and Fortuna Kino; in Brussels California Kabins and Cine ABC; as well as other places I lost before I even knew they existed—the knocking shop right outside the door of Gare du Midi Brussels; the Martin Luther Strasse sex kino in Berlin. Serious ill-health or terrorism or random accident can strike me down at any moment, so I must live every moment as if it is my last. I do not want to die financially healthy with no fantastic memories; I would rather die in extreme debt but with the most fantastic collection of dirty memories, dirty experiences.
I am actually surprised my fat face and fat stomach did not seem to worsen at all while away, which is amazing after 6 consecutive days of drinking morning, noon and night. Maybe the stress I have been feeling burnt a lot of calories off all the time; I’ve always felt that stress has done that to me in the past. Or maybe I just eat less when I am feeling stressed, because my insides feels so knotted up all the time. Amazing I stayed turned on for all 6 days as well. This has been the sexiest holiday since my glory days of 2003 and 2004—also my most expensive. Now I have 3 days in London to get blind drunk in London as well if I want. It will be nice to see some proper fully-naked striptease again—this is something I miss in Brussels & Berlin & Vienna. As always I find it strange that these places that are so liberated when it comes to brothels and prostitutes, don’t have strip clubs where the girls take their knickers off.
What is this addiction of mine to strip clubs & brothels? I think it’s because it is an outsider’s world, and it was the first time in my life I ever found a place where I felt comfortable. Even the girls there are kind of outsiders, having some kind of pariah status simply by the job they do. So I always found it easy to get on with girls who were outsiders every bit as much as me. Coupled with that, I am also a scopophiliac—I love LOOKING at women. I generally avoid getting involved with them even if they offer it, as I just want to carry on looking. The relationship is perfect as it is and I see no need to change it. A girl usually has to hide the fact she is a stripper or a prostitute as much as I hide the fact I spend all my time with these women; therefore we both live the “double life” every day of our lives, and I find the double life attractive.