I honestly think I will always go to the Brouckère Brussels Grill if I can; it is so much quieter and more peaceful in that one. And they gave me a MIXED salad rather just a pile of boring lettuce. I guess that’s random. Another thing I’ve learned on this trip is always buy a beer as soon as I arrive in Cine Paris—to FORCE myself to stay for at least a while. Only then do the films have any chance of working their effect on me. You have to sink into a porn cinema; I find its immediate impact is always repellent otherwise.
Always possible I could jump on a train to Frankfurt Monday evening? It is only 3½ hours away? Just to do something wild and unexpected; come back early Tuesday morning just in time to check out? But again, my financial situation and my employment situation really preclude such grand “romantic” (erotic) gestures these days. One sensible thing I did yesterday was buy a beer at the same time as arriving in Cine Paris which FORCED me to sit down and watch some of the films. I should always follow this policy in future; and again, eating BEFORE I go to Fifth is a good idea. 1035 Even the rain has stopped now. I’m not going out unless it’s raining. My crazy friend still walking around the Adolphe Max—is this all he does all day, every day? Sad. He does not look unintelligent. Again, as I always say, he probably looks up at me every time and thinks the same thing. Who is this sad Englishman who comes to Brussels every month and just sits up there in the window drinking one can of beer after another, time after time? C’est vrai.
So my only temptations on this trip have been Emily twice, Inna once and Perrie girl once. All day Sunday and Monday left and a few hours Tuesday afternoon. Rue d’Aerschot did not inspire me, not surprising in this cold, dank weather (apart from that dazzling barmaid in the Dream Bar opposite La Derniere Minute) so I doubt I will bother with that again. Still I wait in vain for any spark to bring me to erotic life. Oh, another loss I noticed—the wonderful Cine Paris mural above the stairs has gone! And there has been NO Jean Rollin vampire movies on my Action TV channel at nights! What with the loss of the little chip shop and of the Gascogne, that is quite a roll call on this trip. That old Paradise peep place & kabins is now a café called Quarto, with lots of one-armed bandit machines by the look of it. Sad. After 2 days of really doing nothing of any note whatsoever I’m already down to my last 190 euros (from starting 340). 1013 Sunday morning. O’Reilly’s opens at 11 I think, if I want to try an Irish Breakfast—hopefully they are still fit to open after last night’s Moroccan “riot” in the Bourse area right outside their front door. But no, let me not say what I MIGHT do. Only what I DO do.
Just a cold, overcast day; little chance of it actually raining again I think, unfortunately. By NOT eating before, it means I am going to have to stop my drinking and come back for something to eat SOONER, so that increases my chance of being able to get up and out again later for a second round. I need to buy a beer as soon as I walk in to the Cine Paris, that will FORCE me to stay there longer; therefore increasing my chance of getting turned on, despite myself. I always get turned on in in porn cinema EVENTUALLY, it’s just I always feel like walking out as soon as I walk in. Oh I just wish something could spark me to life. Wish I could be inflamed with Eros, and with Priapus, the way I am when I ANTICIPATE these journeys, but never feel it when I am actually here; or very rarely, and those are the special trips I remember for all my life. But you cannot manufacture it; it just has to happen spontaneously, out of the blue, spontaneous combustion of your erotic senses, when you least expect it. So I sit patiently, waiting for what I least expect, anxiously, mournfully. It would make more sense to do something different, go up to Rue d’Aerschot and then back to Fifth, BEFORE going in Cine Paris, so then I’ve no reason to always want to rush away from Cine Paris but I cannot do it. I know porn cinemas are best when I am really sleepy, really far gone; going to them at the START of my day is always pointless, but still I do it, every time.