When I first started to come to Europe

When I first started to come to Europe, how strange everything seemed, and so how exciting! The girls I met seemed so exciting. Now it is all so familiar, and unexciting, and so therefore are the girls.

As usual my Munich Regent Hotel receptionist is Spanish

As usual my Munich Regent Hotel receptionist is Spanish, as is the barman. I think the Regent Hotel has some special deal with some Spanish employment agency, like Eurostar have a deal with Hungary. I notice the sign in the lift has a special Spanish menu on Fridays and Saturdays! I‘m not complaining, I just wish they would do a special deal with Italians as well. The first body blow of this trip to Munich—Rechthaler Hof is closed for refurbishment until March 1st! I only booked a second night in Munich so I could have a long drink and meal in Rechthaler Hof on the second day! All I want from Munich is to find just one big bust dancer in one of the numerous strip clubs/cabarets in Schillerstrasse. That is all I ask. Will I be lucky? Almost certainly not.  Expect I will see nothing but 100 skinny-chested skinny-arsed anorexics, as usual.

If you ever hear I have murdered someone

If you ever hear I have murdered someone, it will not be for any crime of passion, or lust; it will be because they started eating near me, and I could not control my rage and disgust any longer. This c–t across the aisle from me on the train has been eating food on and off, picking it up, typing on his laptop, picking up his bottle of water, gulping it down, typing on his laptop, picking some more food up, for the last hour or more. I hate him, and wish he was dead. Don’t eat near me, please don’t. It is really the one thing that disgusts me the most. You could shit near me, and that disgust me less.

The Boulevard Adolphe Max certainly seemed very quiet

The Boulevard Adolphe Max certainly seemed very quiet; not the permanent gridlock of last month. Delighted to find the drinks from the machine were really ice cold, the way they should be. My TV worked, my internet worked, so much better than last time.

Nights in Brussels always inevitably involve lesbian vampires

Incredibly I seem to have only got through 40 euros on my first day in Brussels

Incredibly, I seem to have only got through 40 euros on my first day in Brussels. I had four Stellas in the Dome, maybe four Maes in Fifth Avenue (plus one beer for Ina) then a McDonalds and back to hotel to pass out. A very cheap start to the holiday. Fifth Avenue had fewer girls than at any time I have known. Andrea and Ina were the only stars; Andrea disappeared with someone soon after my arrival; I bought Ina a drink and then left when I could drink no more. Now I am on the ICE to Frankfurt, change trains to carry on to Munich.

On my fourth Stella finally my black barmaid is here

On my fourth Stella, finally my black barmaid is here. My god, something about her. Rubenesque. So f—g Rubenesque. And that sexy sultry smile. And the way she always says “peanuts” and makes it sound like “Penis?” I feel my first stirring of the trip so far. Every time I see her she has this effect on me, and there’s not that many women you can say that for. I travel around the strip clubs of Europe, and the brothels of Europe, and very very few women stir me like this Dome barmaid does. Time I spend some days in Brussels and just concentrated on her, instead of Fifth Avenue and Cine Paris. Time I had a go. Now I’m going to head to Munich tomorrow morning but I will just be thinking about her. I don’t need pornographic cinema to get me ready for 5th—I just need to come here.

The Boulevard Adolphe Max seems MUCH calmer than it was last time

The Boulevard Adolphe Max seems MUCH calmer than it was last time. A wet and windy day; the lampposts outside the Hotel Plaza are shaking in the wind. Well, that’s the first car gone shooting down the wrong way. Well that’s my first ice cold can of Stella nearly finished; the first of many on this long trip.

So after checking in my holiday starts

So after checking in my holiday starts by coming down to the lounge from the 8^th floor in the lift; the lift closes its door but will not move. I walk down 8 flights of stairs to report it and she tells me she knows. OK. Walk back up one flight to lounge, put 20 euros in the change machine to get coins for the vending machine. It swallows my 20 euros and then gives me no option to get anything back. So my holiday begins. Luckily I had a 2 euro coin in my pocket, and got a beer from the machine and—it is ice cold! A great omen!

†

A cold chilly misty morning as we leave Brussels

A cold chilly misty morning as we leave Brussels. Thick fog once we get out into the countryside. I wish the world could always be like this. A muffled, swaddled silence.

Boulevard Adolphe Max

Traffic in Brussels is the worst of any city I’ve ever been to

Traffic in Brussels is the worst of any city I’ve ever been to. So that is 3 in a row now; 3 visits to 5th Avenue without doing anything. Andrea, oh Andrea. Andrea it is who I really fancied this time, but I was so hungry, so instead came down to De Brouckere Brussels Grill and now I wait to be served. Quite busy, for a change, it being Saturday night. Still so early, but I know when I finish this steak, I am going straight to bed. Andrea did look magnificent. At the end of the day, I find it is Andrea I fancy most, after all.

I wonder now if ANY girls come here on Saturday

I wonder now if ANY girls come here on Saturday. Only 2 men here, and still just the 3 girls (only 2 I can see). Perhaps Saturday is not a good day for 5th Avenue. 252 and still no more girls. 3pm and it is certainly filling up with men, one after the other, but still no more girls. Just want to eat to be honest. What a fantastic place 5th Avenue is, though, just like Flying Scotsman or Sports Bar perhaps more appropriate, but with sex as well.

I reckon if I owned a strip club or a porn kino

I reckon if I owned a strip club or a porn kino (preferably both together under one roof), it would be the best strip club/porn kino in the world. Most of these places don’t have a clue what is really sexy (i.e. they don’t share my taste). But, I have to say, the manager here at 5th Avenue (Viktor?) has set up his place quite perfectly. The best bar of its type I have ever found. And so popular with the locals, so appreciated by locals.

215. I have never been so early to 5th Avenue

215. I have never been so early to 5th Avenue. Just the red top black-haired girl from yesterday with an old man, and my lovely big girl, and then the big bottom Brazilian coming in. Just the 3 girls so far. Dome was closed, as I suspected, so I came back down to O’Reilly’s for a couple of pints, then ignored Cine Paris on the way back up. I just didn’t feel like it; my sub-conscious told me to keep walking, and my Eros, my eroticism, my sex drive, is located in my sub-conscious, so obviously my Eros tells me Cine Paris, as beautiful as it is, is no longer worth it. I salute Marc Dorcel company for funding Cine Paris and keeping it in business, but I find an exclusive diet of Marc Dorcel films too samey. If only Tittenalarm would fund them as well. Some big breast film company. I am so hungry. I think I will be out of 5th Avenue quite quickly today, and treat myself to a Brussels Grill steak, and then to bed by mid-afternoon I expect. I feel so at home, and at ease, in Brussels now. Only three girls here in 5th, but all three are big busted and big bottomed, and viable, if you know what I mean.

The breathtaking sweet and beautiful Belgian girls continue

The breathtaking sweet and beautiful Belgian girls continue; there is something very good in the Belgian genes (and Belgian jeans). Cars see the wall of traffic coming up the road towards them and still try to turn down; not all women, I have to be honest.

The lady duty manager insists on going to my room to try to fix my TV

The lady duty manager insists on going to my room to try to fix my TV, and now returns to tell me it is working, no problem. Very kind of her but I doubt it will work for long.

Yes I still have no TV or internet in my room

Yes, I still have no TV or internet in my room but I really only go there to drunkenly pass out and sleep so it does not matter. They offered to room move me but I cannot be bothered. I can bring my laptop down to the lounge and use it there so no problem. I will avoid room 507 in future however and would advise anyone planning to follow in my footsteps to do the same. Ah, now there is a Spanish couple lying on top of each other, kissing, next to me in the lounge. Your room is not ready yet? I don’t approve of kissing in public, even if it is me; I am quite puritanical like that. An overcast day but no rain and not a breath of wind by the look of it. Disappointing after yesterday’s wild & windy weather. Unbelievable, another woman driver drives down the wrong way—seeing a car sitting in her way, she just waits for him to move over so she can continue: continue driving the wrong way down a one way street. She smiles as if to say, what an idiot this other driver is! On my side of the road! I love it when I get filled with righteous anger. I think deep down I hope to see one of these women drivers collide in a head on smash (a slow one) so that will teach her to be so f–king witless. Traffic is proper busy again (proper bad use of English but you know what I mean) and that will make it harder for people (women) to drive the wrong way. It is funny though, most of the traffic coming up the road still sticks to the right hand side of the road, like they feel too uncomfortable driving on the ‘wrong’ side of the road.

Fifth Avenue (Rita Hayworth)

Finding traffic coming towards them

Finding traffic coming towards them, cars (another woman driver of course) now resort to driving all the way down the cycle lane instead, wondering why do they only have such a small space to drive in now? Amazing if you have been driving down the road all these years and they then change the direction without really telling anyone. The Max lounge is really busy this Saturday morning—I hate it. Hate having to share it with other people, I have always had it all to myself. Starving hungry but I will resist eating anything till later. Last time I came there was a fascinating dark-blonde-haired girl in 5th Avenue who I thought reminded me of Milena in Bad Timing, but she left before 5 with an older woman who looked like her mother. Yesterday there was a beautiful sexy black-haired girl who I really fancied, but she left too with the same older woman before 5, and I now realise it is probably the same girl? I suspect they leave 5th Avenue at 5 to get up to Gare du Nord to start their evening shift at 6. Even more reason to get to 5th Avenue as early as possible.

Cine Paris was quite busy again

Cine Paris was quite busy again, and the films are good, but I must admit I am growing quite bored of the near exclusive Marc Dorcel diet. You see the same actors & actresses all the time. I like Anna Polina but not in every film. The beautiful big girl was in 5th Avenue again. I was very tempted, but the Irish Breakfast actually made me feel quite flat. Eating always ruins my drinking.

The VIPs I saw leaving the Hotel Plaza

The VIPs I saw leaving the Hotel Plaza yesterday must have been on their way to the funeral, as the Queen Dowager Fabiola—widow of the previous Belgian king—was buried yesterday. The people I saw probably included King Juan Carlos & Queen Sofia of Spain, King Harald of Norway and Princess Astrid of Belgium, as I am told they were all staying there. I never realised quite how luxurious the hotel was inside.

O’Reilly’s

Yes another woman driver blithely turning out of the side road and heading south down the Boulevard Adolphe Max

Yes, another woman driver blithely turning out of the side road and heading south down the Boulevard Adolphe Max, despite other road users bibbing their horns and waving their hands ‘No, no!’. And another one, there it goes—this is crazy. There is really nothing to tell people the direction has changed—another one, a taxi. What madness is this. Three cars in the space of one minute heading the wrong way down this now one way street. A fourth. Fifth. Sixth. As it is Saturday and the road is quite empty, there is nothing to tell them it is not a two-way street anymore. It is actually quite dangerous for people crossing the road, now they get used to  just looking one way, when cars are still coming down the other way.

Grand Place

There is an excitement in the streets

There is an excitement in the streets; the wet & wild weather is part of it, the absolutely crazy traffic adds to it. The police cars & fire engines everywhere; VIPs in the Plaza for the funeral. Absolutely gorgeous waitress in O’Reilly’s; petite black-bobbed, black uniformed thing, with improbably large breasts; her accent sounds South American. When I finally came down from the hotel lounge the duty manager’s office was locked; poor guy, I think he must have seen me getting ready to leave on the camera and locked himself inside to make it look like he wasn’t there. I have given him quite a hard time this morning—my TV! my internet! the vending machine! A thoroughly charming young man, though; of Rwandan origin but in Brussels for 13 years. He asked what drinks I liked and put a load of Stella and coke in their storeroom fridge so I can ask for it when I need it. I wanted to ask him if the ‘technician’ was on site yet before I left, but as I say he had probably locked himself in his room so I couldn’t speak to him. Just after 12 midday now.

I think I’d like to marry a Belgian girl one day

I think I’d like to marry a  Belgian girl one day; if she’ll have me, and doesn’t mind the great age difference. Well, I’ve done my one cultural thing on this trip—been to the Grand Place and the Brussels in German Time exhibition. Now for some beer, Irish Breakfast, and pornography. A fleet of screaming fire engines outside the Hotel Metropole, and a fireman going up on the crane to the top floor for some reason. You see a girl that could break your heart about every 2 minutes in Brussels.

I realised last night that the street girls of Brussels are a complete waste of time in winter

I realised last night that the street girls of Brussels are a complete waste of time in winter; hardly any of them bother to stand there, and those that do are so covered in coats & scarves it is impossible to be aroused by anything. In summer, when they have got their asses & tits hanging out they are very hard to resist, but not now. The only good thing I can say in favour of summer.

I am sure Andrea was talking to me in German yesterday

I am sure Andrea was talking to me in German yesterday: she mentioned the word ‘zimmer’ to me. Unless zimmer means room in Romanian or French/Flemish/Dutch whatever language she was speaking. 1052. Think O’Reilly’s will be open soon. Shame Celtica (2 euros a pint, 1 euros for halves) doesn’t open till 1.

Now unfortunately the rain has stopped

Now unfortunately the rain has stopped and it is just very grey & overcast. I was looking forward to going out in the rain for the trek down to Grand Place. Even the wind seems to have dropped.

Just to prove my point

Just to prove my point, I have just seen a car (driven by a woman) cheerfully turn right down Adolphe Max all the way into the oncoming traffic, and followed by a black Mercedes behind her. The traffic bibbed their horns and tried to tell her, but after a brief pause, she just carried on anyway. Lunacy. Who is in charge of traffic in Brussels??? There, another two cars just came all the way down from Rogier and hitting a wall of traffic here at Plaza, forced into hasty U-turns to go back the way they came. Lunacy sir! Sort your city out! My usual cash machine at Gare du Midi said OK to the woman, please take your cash, and then issued no cash. TV not working in my room; from midnight internet not working in my room. Vending machine of cold drinks sends them out warm. Traffic in complete meltdown, 2-way traffic turned into a one-way street overnight and nobody is told, and any signs they have completely inadequate. This is the glorious, lovable (infuriating) madness of Brussels. Mad, not bad? Hmm. Mad, bad & dangerous to know. That is me. A modern Byron, with similar talent and sex appeal, perhaps more. Perhaps less. Opinion is divided.

As soon as the VIPs have all been driven away from the Plaza

As soon as the VIPs have all been driven away from the Plaza, the staff hurriedly roll up the sopping wet red carpet and take it in again, and you think what is the point of it? Just to make the VIP feel like he’s someone really important? Just to flatter his ego? You cannot bear the thought of insulting him by making him walk from the front door of the hotel 5 yards to his car without him being able to walk on red carpet? What is the f–king point? One of the stranger customs of human beings, the ‘red carpet’. I often wonder why my wife never laid out a red carpet in the corridor leading to our flat; all I ever got was a note stuck to the door saying ‘—— is a c–t’.

Traffic seems to cross Place Rogier from all directions at once

Traffic seems to cross Place Rogier from all directions at once. All Brussels women seem to have a healthy, voluptuous curvaceousness about them. These are my two most striking impressions of Brussels every time I come here. The craziest thing about Boulevard Adolphe Max suddenly being made into a massive one-way street is that people DON’T SEEM TO KNOW ABOUT IT. I have seen so many cars coming out of the side turning by the Plaza and try to turn right slap bang into the now oncoming traffic. Whatever signs they have put up are inadequate.

VIPs leaving the Hotel Plaza for Queen Fabiola’s funeral

The traffic in Brussels has always been bad

The traffic in Brussels has always been bad, but on this trip it is absolutely insane. A complete breakdown in the system. It is like watching The Italian Job when Benny Hill shuts down the Turin traffic computers. I am watching a meltdown. My charming hotel duty manager explains he had a meeting yesterday and was stuck for 2 hours in traffic and had to abandon the meeting as a result. The normally quite tranquil 2-way traffic of the Boulevard Adolphe Max has become a one-way 4-lane snarled up traffic gridlock. It was just made temporarily worse because the police motorbikes just stopped all traffic because of V.VIPs leaving the Hotel Plaza in their black limousines. The hotel manager tells me it is because of the Queen’s funeral, dignitaries and celebrities from all over the world are coming to pay their respects. He tells me Brussels was in meltdown Wednesday because of the opening of Primark, Thursday was a rail strike, and on top of it all the Queen’s funeral and Monday will be a General Strike. The VIPs have left the Plaza now, and normal gridlock has been allowed to re-fill the temporarily empty boulevard. I have rarely seen traffic like this. How on earth can Brussels function? How can its people put up with this? It is madness. This is the main North-South axis of Brussels and it is in absolute complete gridlock. And they are just heading into the churning vortex of Place Rogier anyway. And it is raining. A wet, wild & windy Brussels morning.

Crowds of Brussels women await my arrival at the Eurostar terminal. “Madames, this is madness! I am a faithful married man!”

I feel tense because yesterday was rubbish

I feel tense because yesterday was rubbish, too tired and drunk, and I have no TV and no internet, but I should just relax. Enjoy these last 2 days of resting in Brussels. Just to be here is better than being in London.

Well at least the internet works here in the hotel lounge

Well at least the internet works here in the hotel lounge. If I then carry my laptop back to my room it cuts out as soon as I approach the door. Something about my room that makes the internet completely die when it reaches it. The TV repair man can have a look after 9 apparently. Maybe he can fix the internet too.

Yes a pretty poor time in Brussels so far

Yes a pretty poor time in Brussels so far, but it doesn’t matter—because I am in Brussels, and at least I am not in London. Just to be in Brussels is lovely. I don’t care if it is not magical and thrilling, like the last trip 12 or so days ago. Then let me just relax here. Enjoy the drink, the people watching, the food, the sleep. Pretty girls in 5th Avenue, good pornography in the Cine Paris. Just relax.

Spent too long in Dome

Spent too long in Dome so was already too drunk & tired by the time I got to 5th Avenue, did not enjoy 5th at all. No enthusiasm or desire in me. Came back with a McDonald’s then bed. Woke around midnight with a sore head to find not only is my TV not working but now my internet is not working either. So this is going to be one of those holidays. Everything that was so magical 12 days ago now seems lifeless. But still, would you rather be back in London for these 3 days? No. Absolutely nothing to be in London for. Just after 5 now. I go to ring reception from the phone in my room and find there is no button on it that says ‘Reception’ so I don’t know what the number is. Feel really isolated—no TV, no internet, no way of ringing reception.

I do wonder if I die whether I will die in Brussels, Berlin, Vienna or Munich?

I do wonder if I die, whether I will die in Brussels, Berlin, Vienna or Munich? There must be quite a good chance of it. In Brussels, you look out the window and you see girls who are sensationally beautiful, but just as a matter of course. And 70% of them I would say are of North African origin/parentage. There are so many casually beautiful busty girls here in Brussels, and I just don’t see them in Berlin, Vienna or Munich. To be brutal, 5th Avenue has so many f–kable girls, but the most f–kable of them all is this black girl in the Dome. Getting dark now, almost 5pm. By the sound of it I am the last customer. Wouldn’t be surprised if they close up soon after I leave. It is bizarre to me how empty the Dome bar always is; it is a lovely quiet place to have a drink. In London at this time on a Thursday night, EVERY bar will be packed out. Here in Brussels, I am the only person left in the bar.