Well, so here I am in Brussels, 937pm. Brussels under security lockdown

Well, so here I am in Brussels, 937pm. Brussels under security lockdown. And yet Cine Paris is open and showing a couple of good films to me and 1 other discerning customer. The girls are still in the Rue des Commerçants, including my Beatrice. Fifth Avenue is still open, including Ina in a stunning floral body suit. Her appeal does not diminish, it just grows. She is like a flower that is just starting to bloom, and she just keeps on blooming. I must admit, when I arrived at Gare du Nord and decided to step off the train there (and therefore stay) I felt scared. And coming out the station, passing the soldiers with massive machine guns, I felt scared. And walking down the road from Gare du Nord to my Max Hotel, I felt scared. Every bar and café and restaurant was closed along the whole length of the road, but then, incredibly, Brussels Grill was open, the first place I saw open. And even incredibly the Café du Dome was open! Bravo for them. What if gunmen walk in and start shooting you? Nothing you can do. But you have to go on don’t you. And bravo to them. And then you have a couple of cans of beer and you start to relax. And then you see Cine Paris is open and you relax more. And then you see the street girls in the Rue des Commerçants, and you relax more. And then, amazing, even Fifth Avenue is open as normal. Less girls than normal, it is true, but Ina is there, and you relax even more. This is how courage breeds courage.

Something I discovered or re-discovered last night

Something I discovered, or re-discovered, last night, drinking in the Ibis bar even after they turned the lights off, till 1AM, is that I DO feel more like doing naughty things late at night—and those post-midnight  Brussels expeditions and Berlin Walks to Stuttgarter Platz were for a good reason. I am a nocturnal creature, and I do feel more alive in the dead of night; I shall resume my very late night visits to Gare du Nord in Brussels; I felt completely safe last night and was completely unaccosted both in the Rue d’Aerschot itself and on the long walk back. That bizaree 4-trips-in-a-row sequence of being targetted by pickpockets or necklace snatchers seems a long time ago. And by the time I got to the Rue d’Aerschot, 130AM, it was PACKED. Busy, busy, with people. Like Oxford Street. I felt so comfortable sitting in Le Cigalle and the Derniere Minute drinking, watching the men passing to & fro. I will resume my late evening trips to the Rue d’Aerschot and I think Stuttgarter Platz in Berlin, if anything is left. But my KEENNESS to go out after 1AM last night was a very notable realisation. I feel more at ease in the early hours of the morning; more alive. I look forward to drinking in the Berlin Plaza bar till they close, and then walking at 1AM  in the morning along the silent empty Berlin streets—christ, you could NEVER find a central London street quiet and empty at any hour of the night—to Stuttgarter Platz. Though for little point—as Hanky Panky is gone, Mon Cheri is gone, Startlight, Night Dreams, Golden Gate, Blue Bananas are all gone. By the time I get back maybe even the last couple will be gone too—Sissi Bar, and Monte Carlo. And over the road Bon Bon (I never liked) and around the corner Club 77 (no good since Angelique decamped far across town). Le Coin is just a short stroll away, but I don’t even think of going there.

1149AM in the Ibis bar

1149AM in the Ibis bar. No point going back to Fifth today sadly; maybe try Le Coin again then walk up to Gare du Nord, and pop in to Le Coin on the way back. After returning to the hotel early yesterday evening I then slept through to 3AM, and missed the Bayern v Barca game. I hope I can catch the Real v Juve game tonight. The Ibis Stella is lovely and cold. I noticed Fifth Avenue has now got frosted glass in the windows with its opening hours displayed on it—in English. They’ve just started laying out a buffet of hot food in the Ibis bar, and it smells absolutely gorgeous. If I eat though I will not want to go out. All I think about when I travel these days is drinking, and eating. I have to make a real effort to force myself to go to the naughty places. Better to go to Gare du Nord later, when it gets dark, though not too late, this being Brussels. I discovered that using the crossing about twenty yards down the road makes crossing much less terrifying. Late in life I make these blindingly obvious discoveries. Late in life; what a thing to say. I still feel like a child. Still feel at least in my twenties as I was (just about) when I first came to Europe. Where did my life go? So many years lost to depression, and unable to face the world, and unable to cope with life. It was only in the strip clubs and brothels of Europe that I really learnt to cope with life and discovered some comfort and calmness. Then I would come back to London and be able to cope with life and work much better. I love Europe. I want Britain to be out of the EU but I love Europe. I love the countries of Europe and the people of Europe.
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Now all I can think about is: I want to STUFF myself with food

Now all I can think about is: I want to STUFF myself with food. Well, I am sick of Cine Paris and I am sick of 5th Avenue, so finally tomorrow let me go to Old Masters and Fin de Siecle Museums. Then I can finish in Le Coin or O’Reilly’s. There’s whores all around me: in the Rue des Commercants, in 5th Avenue, in Gare du Nord—but all I can think of is eating then getting back to my lovely hotel room bed; to my internet and then to sleep. So now I am drinking myself into absolute oblivion in the Dome, and I enjoy this so much more than yesterday’s visits to Cine Paris or Rue des Commercants or Fifth Avenue. It rules out me going on to Gare du Nord later today, unfortunately.

Rogier traffic junction as crazy as ever

Rogier traffic junction as crazy as ever. The construction work that makes such a mess of it seems no further advanced than it was on my last visit back in September. Amazing to think this was where the Gare du Nord USED to be; before they relocated it a few blocks further up the road in the 1950s. Would have been lovely if it and the accompanying red light windows could have been here; I cannot be bothered to go all the way up to Rue d’Aerschot these days.

The seats on the Adolphe Max side are so much better for people watching (ogling)

The seats on the Adolphe Max side are so much better for people watching (ogling). I don’t know why I ever wasted my time on the other side. Brussels has really boiled down to just 3 things: Cine Paris, the walk past the street girls of Rue des Commercants, and Fifth Avenue. And I am bored of 5th Avenue now; familiarity has bred if not contempt, at least disinterest. I will try Gare du Nord once more after 6. But I think I am quite sated with Brussels now; good. That leaves me free to enjoy Munich and Nuremberg.

I really didn’t fancy any of the girls in 5th Avenue yesterday

I really didn’t fancy any of the girls in 5th Avenue yesterday, even the black Brazilian from before. Last time I was out of my head with desire for 3 or 4 of them, yet yesterday the same girls did not move me at all. I was thinking good, that will save me money, yet here I am with 70 or 80 missing. So if Gare du Nord was rubbish, and 5th Avenue not that exciting, what am I to do for the rest of today and two more to come? I was tired yesterday not having slept for more than 24 hours by the time I got to 5th Avenue, or discounting a little nap the previous afternoon, more like 32 hours. I was running on empty.

To the Dome by 445 and the gorgeous blonde North African is here again

To the Dome by 445, and the gorgeous blonde North African is here again. Lovely. I had 2 pints in the Celtica (total cost 4 euros, incredible. One pint in O’Reilly’s costs more than that) then got the metro up to Gare du Nord. The first videokabin place has 3 cinema rooms upstairs, 2 straight and 1 gay, for 10 euros. The kabin films were mediocre. The kabin place over the road also had very poor kabins as always, and the peep show girls were no better. I was told it is better to go to Gare du Nord windows before 6 because the better girls work then but I would dispute that. Most of the windows were still closed and the few that were open had very average girls. Also in the bright sunshine it is hard to see in the windows anyway. I will come back at night, ‘dangerous’ or not. There is about 75 euros unaccounted for from yesterday. I started the day with 250 euros and wake this morning with 70 and really did nothing yesterday. I can account for 114 and have 65 left=71 missing. Was I robbed somehow? But that would mean someone removing my wallet from my tight jeans pocket, extracting 70 or 80 euros, and putting my wallet back in my tight pocket all without me knowing. I cannot believe that is possible, as drunk as I was last night. It is a real mystery.

I will come to the Dome early tomorrow

I will come to the Dome early tomorrow on my usual pilgrimage to Gare du Nord, then spend rest of the day snoozing in Cine Paris or Fifth Avenue, before getting back to Midi by 7 for the last train home. I wait for the beer goggles to really take over my eyes, then I will move on. I need to start reading Simenon. Maybe after Cine Paris and Fifth Avenue I can go back and finish the night in Cine Paris. Nothing better than to be woken up by a porn cinema manager to say ‘Monsieur, c’est fini’ and do myself up and stumble home like that. The barmaid’s breasts like two black Zeppelins. Her buttocks, even bigger. This is why I travel.

After the Dome I crossed over for the gorgeous Brussels Grill steak then back down to Cine Paris

After the Dome I crossed over for the gorgeous Brussels Grill steak, then back down to Cine Paris. From there I made the effort to walk up to Gare du Nord to see the window girls, and was shocked to see it was really low quality—the weakest line up of girls I have ever seen in Brussels. Absolutely nothing to compare with the girls of the Nuremberg windows, for sure. I was shocked by the paucity of what was on offer. I came back down to Fifth Avenue to savour that unique atmosphere then back to the hotel. I put 3,50 in the vending machine for a tuna sandwich but it stopped on the edge and didn’t drop so I went to bed hungry. There is a McDonald’s next to the hotel but it closes bizarrely early, around 10, 1030pm it seems.

In Brussels. I thought the train only went to Midi

In Brussels. I thought the train only went to Midi and I would have to get a tram back but it actually stopped at Nord first, meaning I could walk down to the Hotel Max. Passing ABC, however, I found it dark and shuttered up and looking finished. It was always an incredible relic and it seemed so incongruous and anachronistic that it had survived, showing as it did just old 1970s films, although this was its glory, along with the hourly striptease; but now it looks like reality has caught up with it. At this moment I knew I would not be staying in Brussels more than one night.
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The De Brouckere Brussels Grill is so much smaller than the Rogier Brussels Grill

The De Brouckere Brussels Grill is so much smaller than the Rogier Brussels Grill but also seems more empty as well. Maybe that’s because the Rogier restaurant is bordered by so many large hotels—the Thon, the Sheraton, the Hilton, whereas Brouckere only really has the Metropol. Always interesting to remember that the Gare du Nord used to be here at Rogier, when it was the northern-most edge of Brussels; but as the city expanded, they had to move the Nord station a few hundred metres further north. I still like to imagine the Nord Station is here though. There we go. I like second hand bookshops more than new bookshops; I like old crackly classical music recordings from the 20s more than new ones; I like old 20s and 30s jazz more than the sleek new jazz; like old curtain-opening strip clubs more than the new private dancing men-as-cash machines new ones. I like old Victorian lush green river valleys filled with torrential rivers rather than the dessicated dried out dead riverbeds we have now. I was born 100 years too late.
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I can’t even be bothered to walk up to Nord for the Rue d’Aerschot

I can’t even be bothered to walk up to Nord for the Rue d’Aerschot. Would rather have a look in 5th Avenue, watch some people in O’Reilly’s, and finish with a doze in Paris. While I do I need to finish by 6 to get back to the hotel to collect my bag, and get the metro back to Midi by 7 in time for my Eurostar. It is already 1:30. I love being on my own in other cities; I never feel lonely. There is always the comfort of the drink, and the cinema.

I think if I go down to O’Reilly’s I will end up staying there

I think if I go down to O’Reilly’s I will end up staying there, as I will be too lazy to walk all the way back up to Rogier and then have to carry on all the way up to Gare du Nord; especially as the people watching is so good there, and the Wimbledon men’s semi-final will be on TV; better I go to the more boring Dome, as at least it is on the way to Nord. I cannot leave Brussels without at least one walk up & down the Rue d’Aerschot. If I go early enough, I will still have time to come back to O’Reilly’s afterwards, before finishing in Cine Paris perhaps. It will be hard to resist a third and final Brussels Grill steak as well! 22.50 for the steak, 4.50 for a beer, and 3 tip, = 30 euros a time but oh so worth it. I do not look forward to going back to boring London; there is nothing there for me (apart from —–). London is just for working to earn the money to come travelling again.

The inevitable first impression is oh god what have I come here for?

The inevitable first impression is oh god, what have I come here for? what is the point? But on first arriving in another city you are always going to feel horribly exposed and uncomfortable I think. Already so many huge voluptuous girls at Gare du Midi, and in the Boulevard Adolphe Max. The Ciné ABC was closed when I arrived in the Dome at 3:50, but its shutters opened at 4:06; that was a relief. The Café du Dôme totally deserted; I the only customer. What is the plan? ABC first I suppose, then Ciné Paris. Perhaps up to Gare du Nord to have a look, or, if it is late enough, to Empire. Early tomorrow to go look for a cardigan, then ride around and around on the buses, getting lost, but getting to know my way around Brussels by bus; eventually, hopefully, I will find myself somewhere near the museum district and I will go to the Museum of Old Masters, Magritte and Museum of the Fin-de-Siècle, perhaps the Wiertz as well. Let me get the obligatory naughty things out of the way tonight, to leave me free for more cultural things tomorrow. I know in the last couple of years I have always gone home from Brussels regretting that I had not spent more time in the ABC, and lay in it like a hot bath for hours at a time.
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In such a small area of Brussels are all the places I love

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In such a small area of Brussels are all the places I love: Hotel le Dôme, Brussels Grill, Hotel Max, Ciné ABC, Ciné Paris, McDonald’s, Gascogne, (California now gone), Empire strip club. And a very short walk north is Gare du Nord and the window girls, the beautiful Esmeraldas of the Rue d’Aerschot. (A very short walk south will bring you to the Hotel Metropole (last of the great 19th century hotels still existing in Brussels), La Monnaie, the Bourse, O’Reilly’s Irish pub, American Guest Bar). Brussels does not have enough to recommend it on its own, but it is great to spend a first night there before getting the train across Europe to somewhere else, or, even better, to spend a last night here on the way home from somewhere else. It is great to be watching pornography in the city of Horta.

Turning on to the Boulevard du Jardin Botanique at 630AM I was hit by a cold icy headwind

Turning on to the Boulevard du Jardin Botanique at 630AM I was hit by a cold icy headwind, which reminded me of the calamitous visit to Brussels 8 years ago. Well, it started calamitously anyway, but turned into one of those incredible unbelievable trips that I used to have all the time back in those days. A pleasant second day in Brussels. After several large Stellas in the Café du Dome, I bought some boots and a cardigan for —– in the Rue de Neuwe, then went to Brussels Grill for the most beautiful steak I have ever had in my life. To follow it up by having a second one was probably a mistake, but I could not help myself. I could not finish the second steak, nor the large beer that came with it, and somehow waddled out of there, like a bomb that was about to explode. I sat dozing in the Ciné Paris for a while, then walked all the way up to Gare du Nord and back again. I checked the Guest bar but it was still dark, so finishing the night in Ciné Paris, I returned to the Hotel Max to sleep. Pitch black as we leave Brussels now this 8AM morning.

After a few Stellas in the Dome I began to relax and started to feel embarrassed about my ‘feeling uneasy and unsafe’ remark when I arrived

After a few Stellas in the Dome I began to relax and started to feel embarrassed about my ‘feeling uneasy and unsafe’ remark when I arrived. I then strolled completely unmolested to the Cine Paris, Cine ABC, all the way up to Gare du Nord, all the way up and down the entire length of the Rue d’Aerschot, all the way back to Empire and to Manhattan, and then back past the Metropole to my hotel, and I was thinking what has happened to Brussels? Then it happened, 50 yards short of my hotel, I can see the green sign in front of me, I pass two Moroccan men, one stops and asks me for a light, and then turns around and follows in my direction closely at my side. ‘Ah, England! Ah, Rooney!’ Inquiring about Lampard and Rooney and football for about a minute of walking, when he stops in front of me and looks at my shoulder, ‘you’ve got something there’ at the same time as his friend comes up behind me and makes a sound like he has spat at my back. At that point the first one gives up and leaves me, I can hear him saying to his friend ‘what did you do that for?’.

I wonder if I will be able to find the Rue d’Aerschot going on foot for a change?

I wonder if I will be able to find the Rue d’Aerschot going on foot for a change? For years I got lost every time I came here, spending hours walking around and around the Gare du Nord station thinking where the hell is that road?How to get into it? And afterwards walking back to the hotel every time I took the wrong turning and spent hours in the night trying to find the hotel. I have got more lost in Brussels than in any other city I have been to.

How immediately uneasy I feel when I set foot outside the Gare du Nord and walk down to the Boulevard du Jardin Botanique

How immediately uneasy I feel when I set foot outside the Gare du Nord and walk down to the Boulevard du Jardin Botanique. Groups of young North African men in black leather jackets everywhere, eying me, and my lilywhite skin, thinking I am ripe for their taking later.

After tonight is out of the way I still have tomorrow night in Brussels to look forward to

After tonight is out of the way I still have tomorrow night in Brussels to look forward to: Gare du Nord, Cine ABC, Empire and Guest. I love the Plaza barman, he looks like Russian President Medvedev with a Berlin twist. The daytime barman is an older man, with flowing grey locks, and incredibly camp, something of an ageing Victor Mature about him. He belongs on the stage or on television. He is a cross between Victor Mature and Larry Grayson, perhaps, and you can’t get better than that.

If —– did leave me wouldn’t the despair of sitting at the Ibis bar drinking my Stellas be absolutely exquisite?

If —– did leave me, wouldn’t the despair of sitting at the Ibis bar drinking my Stellas be absolutely exquisite? In that nihilistic frame of mind would I not take pleasure from ANYTHING I might find at Gare du Nord? Nihilism, that is the ingredient that I am missing, without that I believe eroticism is not possible. Over the last 13 months, the times when it looked like —– and me were finished, and she just left the house without telling where she was going, the wild rausch and intoxication I felt in storming drunkenly around London looking for her was incredible. If —– did leave me, wouldn’t the despair of sitting at the Berlin Plaza bar with my Berliner Pils be absolutely exquisite? Before debauching myself in a kino with total nihilism? If —– did leave me, wouldn’t the despair of sitting at the Dorint bar with my Zipfers be absolutely exquisite? Always this pleasure in despair. It is all I have known all my life, it is all I knew from the moment I was born. It is all I am comfortable with, it is the only air I can breathe. In a family, I feel like a fish out of water. I cannot breathe. I can only breathe in pain and despair. Book that flight to Vienna. Precipitate that crisis. Perhaps we should just split up for a while. Europe only comes to life for me when I have nothing at home and am totally nihilistic. Then I have all the time in the world on my hands, I can spend one day going to the Belvedere and St Stephen’s, the next day going to KHM and the Butterfly House, but more than anything just sitting at bars watching the world go by thinking about the girl I lost.

It is lovely to be back in the Ibis again. And to think I did not want to come back here

It is lovely to be back in the Ibis again. And to think I did not want to come back here. The pictures I saw in the Royal Gallery made the trip to Antwerp worthwhile. It was worth coming to Belgium just to see them. Arriving back in Brussels was a tremendous relief, though! I made my way to Louise and found both Buddha and Peplum but too early! I will try again. So headed back to Gare du Nord. For the first time found my way easily to the correct exit, by platform 12—so that is another mystery solved. The girls in those windows are really beautiful. The films in Paradise were really good and I was randy very quickly. From passing on the train, I now realise the windows extend for much further up Aerschot than I ever imagined. Chose long blonde haired Natalia from Bulgaria, such a beautiful, soft, gentle girl. She reminds me so much of Riccarda. She has been in Brussels just two days! Like with Olga or Riccarda or Diana, I just want to lay with her and cuddle her. Went back to Flamingos kabins and more great films. I passed a younger brunette in long see through blue dress in window, almost perfect body, and I wanted to go back for her, but resisted. Walked back to Le Dome instead. Headed down — and found a place called Night Dreams. It seems you just buy the girl a drink and nothing else. One blonde there. Left quickly, but just around the corner was Empire. At last, a proper strip club! With men in the audience! On stage the unbelievably big breasted, beautiful black Clarisse. I need a mortgage to pay for the beer—8 Euros a time—but the club had a good atmosphere. The nearest place to White Coffin I have found. Girls will dance for two minutes at your seat for 5 Euros, but then it is 200 Euros upstairs!!! Clarisse almost tempts me. Drank till I could drink no more then back along such a crowded Anspachlaan, looked for pub or cinema but could find nothing, and before long back at the hotel. How could I have been to Brussels all this time, all these years, and never found Empire!? Clarisse made the trip to Brussels worthwhile. And the films were better than I have ever seen in Brussels before. And Natalia was so beautiful. I never even made the effort to find a proper strip club in Brussels before. It is hard to believe. Yet it is true for Vienna and Berlin as well. The blonde in beige tight top in the station Relay shop is mind blowing. After I finished with Natalia, I straight away thought now what is the point of 3 days in Brussels???? Now I am glad I can stay here. I feel very happy in Brussels this time. Free from my amour fou with Viktoriya that ruined my last visit. I am glad I have got 2 more nights here.