I miss the street girls of the Rue des Commerçants—the Café Jimmy corner, the Flamingo Bar corner, the Rue des Magasin corner

I miss the street girls of the Rue des Commerçants—the Café Jimmy corner, the Flamingo Bar corner, the Rue des Magasin corner; they gave the street a life and a vibrancy; I’ve no idea why people protest against them. Now that long street is just empty, and completely lifeless. Bravo. A great improvement. The same deadness at the top end of the Adolphe Max since the closure of Cine ABC and California. I thought when Mayeur was forced out in bent disgrace his successor Philippe Close might take a more enlightened view of the street girls, but in fact the clampdown just became more total than before. Closed them down he did, Monsieur Close. Aptly named, arsehole. Though it just occurs to me, his disgraced predecessor was Mayor Mayeur.

Stuttgarter Platz has been reduced to 10% of what it was

Stuttgarter Platz has been reduced to 10% of what it was, if you want to talk of quantity of clubs. But if you want to factor in the QUALITY of the remaining floozies, just 1% of what it was—back in 2003, 2004, 2005, 2006. Thus the ice retreats, further and further. Climate change irreversible—just a question of WHEN all the ice will gone, not IF it will happen. You mark my words, not only whores and porn cinemas, but one day in our lifetime even pornography will be banned, even masturbation will be banned. Anyone possessing an old black & white photo of a naked woman will be hunted down and ostracised like a pariah. Thus the emasculation, castration (Islamisation?) of Europe runs out of control. 102 already.

Stupidly I’ve been saying they want to get rid of the street girls in the Rue des Commercants but now I discover it has already in fact happened (in theory)

Stupidly I’ve been saying they want to get rid of the street girls in the Rue des Commercants but now I discover it has already in fact happened (in theory). I was reading they have moved to the Chaussee d’Anvers, Blvd Baudouin, and Albert II Laan. The girls I see in the Rue des Commercants are just the diehard remnants who have flouted the new instructions? Prostitution is not illegal in Belgium, and street prostitution is not illegal, so I’m not quite sure by what device they can make them move. That would explain why even in summer I was shocked to see so few girls in the Rue des Commercants. By then they were probably already in the new place (just about 100 yards north). And yet why have I never SEEN any street girls in those places? Last night after leaving Fifth Avenue I made a point of walking along the entire length of the Blvd Baudouin back to Brussels Grill and I never saw a single girl. I will actually go up the Chaussee d’Anvers and Albert II Laan today to look harder. 1128 Tuesday morning. Proper raining.

I do not understand people who can live their lives without beer

I do not understand people who can live their lives without beer, and pornography and prostitution. I just genuinely cannot. They are so much the crutches of my life, I do not understand anyone who does not need these crutches. Where is their opium? What are their highs? Is this addiction to these opiums sign of my sickness? I honestly feel I am MORE healthy, MORE alive, than those their boring mundane lives without these things. We all live life from our own angle, our own perspective, and find it hard to contemplate any other. Certainly, for myself, I can only say I only feel alive when I am doing these “naughty things”. It is only the naughty things that make me feel alive. That cost me my marriage, that cost me the love of the one woman who remains “behind my defences”, but I have to be true to myself. We only have one life, and it is so short.

I was born 20 years too late

I was born 20 years too late. The 1890s sound fantastic, the 1920s in Berlin sound fantastic, but in the modern era, the 1970s perhaps was the golden age of pornography & prostitution in Europe. I didn’t discover these wonderful places till the 1990s, just as they were about to go into decline—due to Internet—easily accessible pornography for everybody—and new bizarre Puritanism. The death of the sex places is understandable even to me. When I was growing up, if I wanted to see a naked woman I had to go to Soho—because it was before internet. Now if I want see a naked woman I just open up my internet. No.1 reason for the death of the sex places right there.

Beer, pornography & prostitution—the greatest things in life. My 3 drugs. My 3 opiums

Beer, pornography & prostitution—the greatest things in life. My 3 drugs. My 3 opiums. I travel to indulge the opiums. Already in Soho (since my career in infamy began in 1992) I have lost Carnival Strip Club, Astral Cinema, Sunset Cinema, Soho Cinema, Boulevard Striptease, Pleasure Lounge & Peep Show, 50% of the “French models” flats; in Berlin almost all of Stuttgarter Platz, Chocolat, Hanky Panky/Stutti Frutti, Mon Cheri, Golden Gate, Starlight, Night Dreams, Blue Bananas, Cascade Sex Kino all gone; in Vienna Pour Platin, where I lost my Vienna virginity. Not just closed, but knocked down, razed to the ground, an empty hole in the Gurtel like a missing tooth. It is like someone is deliberately going after all the places that have given me erotic pleasure, illicit thrills, sleazy pleasure, and closing them down one by one to leave me with NOWHERE left to go. Last year, I lost Fortuna Kino in Vienna and Flying Scotsman in London; this year I am sure WSK in Vienna and the street girls of Brussels Rue des Commercants. This is why I want to travel more & more, faster & faster. You may wonder why I have never gone to the most famous red light districts, of Amsterdam and Hamburg, even Antwerp; but I am a creature of habit. Brussels, Munich, Vienna and Berlin are my homes. Well, Munich is over for me, and in fact I am more likely to go to Nuremberg, and Berlin feels pretty much over as well, with the 90% loss of Stuttgarter Platz. When I see strip clubs and night bars close down, I feel sad. Normal, respectable establishments make me feel so depressed. I do indeed have a mind completely bitten by the serpent of sex, and I cannot understand why everyone is not like me. But, it has to be sex without emotion, sex without “relationship”. Pure priapic, erotic rampancy. Sex for the pleasure of sex, sex for the visual pleasure of sex. Sex as just hands on pornography. I am really phobic to emotions. Only one woman has ever got through my defences, and remains “behind my defences” (in a kind of perpetual offside position).

On my last 2 or 3 visits to Fortuna Kino I was wondering where the women had gone, the “hostesses”

On my last 2 or 3 visits to Fortuna Kino I was wondering where the women had gone, the “hostesses”. and now reading the online forums (with the help of Google Translate) I see that the cinema was repeatedly raided and inspected by the police, and that is why from now on you just have to watch the films and that is all; and if the prostitution has been banned from Fortuna then that means it will soon be banned from WSK as well, as they are obviously on a very sticky wicket. So there we are, my eulogies to the wonderful liberal sexual freedom of Vienna, where  you could —- the girls in the darkness of a porn cinema, are proved to be wishful thinking. Even Vienna now is becoming as repressive as everywhere else. Why? No one outside the porn kino knows what it is going on inside between consenting men and women, so who on earth is it hurting???
And I have already mentioned that the Mayor of Brussels is dead set on getting rid of all the street girls around the Rue des Commercents area (known as Alhambra, I was surprised to learn) by the end of 2015.
So the ice continues to retreat. What more pleasures will we lose in 2016? For now Rue des Commercants in Brussels and WSK in Vienna hangs on by its naughty fingertips; enjoy them both as much as you can while you can.

I feel so happy to be in Brussels these days

I feel so happy to be in Brussels these days; not doing anything, just drinking and gazing out the window in a world of my own. One day I will have to force myself to go to Paris—oh but no, prostitution is banned [still in the balance actually], and I don’t feel comfortable in a city without whores. It calms my soul & spirit & mind. Even if I do not indulge, just to know they are there, makes me so much more relaxed. Maybe Le Coin, Cine Paris, Dome then Gare du Nord. By the time I get back to the hotel the football may have started and I can watch a bit before bed? Thursday my last night will be my late night, when I will take myself to Orient Express and catch the last metro up to Gare du Nord, god help me. Already this trip to Brussels feels too short. I feel so at ease here.

In the Channel Tunnel already

In the Channel Tunnel already; as soon as we leave St Pancras we seem to be in the Channel Tunnel. The journey to Brussels is ridiculously fast. How amazing after all these years I still feel no desire to go to Paris for a change. Prostitution is illegal now in France I understand [not yet so, in fact! Still being fought over as we speak, French Parliament sends the bill up to the French Senate and the Senate tears it up], thanks to Najat, and I feel cold at the thought of going to any country where prostitution is illegal, even if I hardly ever indulge these days. It’s nice to know it’s there if you want it. Incredible to think that France of all countries, the country of Nana and Olimpia and the wonderful art nouveau Paris brothels of legend, should actually be making prostitution illegal. It is quite mind-blowing. Denmark didn’t even make BESTIALITY illegal till last month. The Great Danes, as I call them.

Whatever else happens or doesn’t happen on this trip

Whatever else happens or doesn’t happen on this trip, the fact I finally broke the ice with Andrea in 5th Avenue makes this a great trip. The pendulum has been kept swinging very successfully this time. The amazing thing about that 4 days in Vienna was I only spent £23 on pornography & prostitution! And that supposedly is the main thing I travel for. My ex-wife being nice to me the night before I travelled completely ruined it. Yesterday’s visit to 5th Avenue was so enjoyable I cannot wait to get back again; this time preceded by Cine Paris.

Why do pictures taken at night look so much more magical than pictures taken during the day?

Why do pictures taken at night look so much more magical than pictures taken during the day? Because night IS more magical. People are always puzzled by me I think. Who is this person? What is his secret? What does he really get up to? Yes I try to elude them. I never tell them where I am going, what I am doing. But the truth I can tell here: my  main line is —–. Around her is Berlin brothels, Vienna brothels, Munich night bars?, Brussels brothels. But she is my centre. She is my mainline. She is my motherlode. Everything else is a riff off of her. Perhaps, my mainline is her, and pornography & prostitution. My honesty is the best thing about me. A writer can’t be anything but honest; my idea of a writer, anyway.This is why I cannot write fiction, despite trying, trying and trying; it just feels like lies.

Whenever my w–e and I split up I will not replace her

Whenever my w–e and I split up I will not replace her with another woman (even if another woman would touch me with a barge pole); I would replace her with priapism, persistent and rampant erection of the penis; with onanism. With “my old addiction to pornography and prostitution, to travelling alone around Europe, for the sleaziness, the smut, the lush life”. I will always hope to be reconciled with my w–e. She is the woman I want to grow old with. She is the woman I want holding my hand when I take my last breath.

The great Justice Palaces of Europe that have always meant so much to me

The great Justice Palaces of Europe that have always meant so much to me, like so many Hanging Gardens of Babylon, representing for me the battle between purity and corruption—i.e. the purity of the man who acknowledges his sexual urges and admits the pleasures he finds in releasing them with beautiful florid & lurid young women of the Tingel Tangels and the bordellos, versus the corruption of those mean, vicious, jealous members of society who try to destroy the man for his honesty—will come to have a greater significance than ever before. How many beautiful, honest, handsome gentlemen will find themselves brought before a Judge and made a criminal, made a pariah, made an Oscar Wildean figure of shame to be spat at by all and sundry on railway station platforms or in the street. All because he hadn’t had sex for a long while and really really needed it!

Esmeraldas have always been an outlet for men’s urges and what will they do if they are gone?

Esmeraldas have always been an outlet for men’s urges and what will they do if they are gone? That release valve is gone. That safe and pleasurable means of draining the swamp is gone. What crazed, frustrated fiends would be left roaming the streets then! Gone, the nice warm relief of sinking into a hot bath on a cold day that the Esmeralda represents. Gone the consequent relaxation and calmness, and ability to then concentrate on other more useful and important things. What will the Puritans unleash upon Europe. What will they do to men’s minds. An ugly or poor or infirm man unable to attract a beautiful woman, what for him then? A lifetime of sexlessness? Unable to release his urges safely with an Esmeralda, what other paths might these urges be forced to divert into? I think not more creative, but more destructive. Whores provide a vital function, and that is why we respect and revere them so much.

Yet I have seen what prostitution does to a woman

Yet I have seen what prostitution does to a woman. Even if she is strong, and thinks she is in control, I think it turns their minds to mush. I would not object to a woman I loved making money from her body if she chose to; I would love her not a jot less; but what I would care about is the damage she would do to herself, physically it damages her, but more than that the mental damage is irreparable. Yet still I love the world of the Esmeralda, these florid and lurid women of the night, and find their siren call so tempting. ‘The only way to get rid of a temptation, is to yield to it’. ‘Any impulse that is strangled poisons us’. Men need to drain their swamp. If you are lonely, if you have no partner, if you are not rich enough to ever have a partner, or not attractive enough to ever have a partner, are you then condemned to never in your life ever knowing sexual pleasure with a beautiful woman? What the puritans would condemn the world to! What a joyless, pleasureless place for so many! And if they manage to ban whores, they would turn their sights next to pornography, to adult cinemas, to videokabins, to strippers, and eventually even masturbation! They want to deny us any sexual pleasure whatsoever. What a frustrated going mad world it would be then, if so many men had nowhere to release their explosive volcanic urges. I always remember how the volcanic desire used to build up inside me (in the days before internet), and I would then have to take myself to Soho to release it, like sinking into a hot bath on a cold winter’s day, in the Chandos, then Sunset Strip, then Carnival Theatre Club, then the Astral Cinema, then finally with some Soho ‘model’. I would wake the next morning feeling so ashamed, but so so relaxed, and at peace; and this relaxation would last me through several days; before of course the well starts to fill up again, and the volcanic need to release it took me over again. A London without whores; a Europe without whores. How can one imagine allowing the puritan killjoys being allowed to get away with that. What Kraus or Nietzsche would make of that if they were alive today!

The ice has been been retreating, well, for all our lives

The ice has been been retreating, well, for all our lives. When I first set foot on the ice in 1992, I had no idea that so much of the ice I could see all around me would be gone in a few short years. We polar explorers and mountaineers have been pushed further and further to the edge of the continent, like wooly mammoths, and if Europe does become a ‘society without prostitution’ then we will finally be pushed off the cliff, and our time will be over. We are the last of a dying breed. Yet, yes, the great Esmeraldas of Vienna and Berlin (Hamburg and Amsterdam, where I have never been), will instead move to the ‘cellar bars’ one finds in Munich, tempting men with expensive fake champagne and nothing more, and if that is all that is on offer, men will spend all their money on that. They may become Tallulahs, strippers, and Europe could see a massive revival in striptease and ‘sex dancing’ without the sex. Even apparently bad news can have unexpected good consequences—a huge flowering of strip clubs in great orchid fronds. But let us say you take a dancer or one of these Munich cellar bar girls to a separée for a private dance or private drink, and she lets you have a hand job or a blow job, that is not sex as such, so would that be against the law as well? Back in 2003 and 2004 one could find this kind of pleasurable enjoyment even in the bars and strip clubs of Munich, but already when I returned after a long absence in 2010 even this had become strictly verboten. What will they ban next? Having sex with anyone other than your wife? Will monogamy be compulsory? Will masturbation at a peep show or a video kabin or an adult cinema be outlawed as well? Already these places are dying out due to market forces and the dull hand of the internet—people can ‘drain their swamp’ without ever leaving home these days; but there are some of us who still like to force ourselves out to look for the ice and the mountains, for the glory of the sex kino, and the adult cinema, to sit in a room full of men all with their huge swollen cocks out in the glow of the screen, and the peep show, and the videokabins, and the wonderful florid & lurid women of the go go bars, and the puffs, and the tingel tangels, the bordellos and the night bars! But they are dying out one by one, so fast.

We are really heading towards the cliff now

We are really heading towards the cliff now. The Government will next year be pressed to make prostitution illegal in England i.e. the man buying the sex will be the one breaking the law, as it is in Sweden and Norway already, and the French Minister for Women is bidding to outlaw prostitution in the whole of Europe. The great Justice Ministrys of Europe will take on a whole new significance. The Bourses and Central Banks will become irrelevant. Can one imagine a Europe without whores? without Esmeraldas? It is part of our culture, such a huge part of our literature, our arts. So many of our greatest artists, painters, composers, writers, throughout European history have depended on whores. Can one imagine an Amsterdam, a Hamburg, a Vienna, a Berlin without whores? Well, I suppose one can—they will just become like Munich. Like Schillerstraße, a street full of neon lights, cellar bars, where you go and sit with lurid and florid young women in a state of some undress, buy them ruinously expensive fake champagne, and then that is it, stumble back to your hotel disappointed and frustrated as there is nothing else on offer. And yet all those bars in Munich survive and thrive (despite the retreating of the ice everywhere else) precisely because there is nothing else on offer. If it is all you can get then it is what you have to make do with. It may even see a revival of striptease, Berlin and Vienna could finally get some old-fashioned strip clubs, like the Atlantic City in Munich.

I keep saying I like P&P but it is the idea of P&P that turns me on, the reality does not

I keep saying I like P&P but it is the idea of P&P that turns me on, the reality does not. It feels like Oscar’s “cold mutton”. I have just looked, windowshopped, without partaking, but still the reality leaves me totally cold. Perhaps this is the process, the reality leaves me cold first, then even the thought will, then I will be recovered. Word of a Marilyn does intrigue me and I will have to at least go to have a look at her before giving up on Soho again but it is without enthusiasm or desire. Before I would sleep with anything. Now I am so so fussy, nothing I see would entice me however drunk I was. I’m just not desperate for it anymore, and I rather think you have to be. I behaved like a jerk with —– again on Saturday night but thankfully she already forgave me on Sunday morning. I have to drink on Saturday. It is one day I like to let all the bats out of the Belfry. Cherry blossom everywhere.

I miss the old complete freedom. But I had complete freedom in Brussels and Berlin and was miserable all the time

I miss the old complete freedom. But I had complete freedom in Brussels and Berlin and was miserable all the time. There is a purity to being completely alone, in cold air and icy mountains. So perhaps I just have to mix the two. Thomas Mann was a gay man trapped in a conventional marriage but he loved his wife so much. Gustav von Aschenbach was a gay man trapped in a conventional marriage but he loved his wife so much. Oscar Wilde was a gay man trapped in a conventional marriage but he loved his wife so much. I am not gay. I just like to live the life of the cock. Pure Priapism. Pornography and Prostitution, every day, every minute. It is not going away. Writing, drinking, classical music, ferns, pornography and prostitution. This is purity. Marriage is not. Marriage is clogging everything up, imprisoning. Yet I had decades of purity and I was in despair and pain all the time because I yearned for love. I fell in love with one unobtainable woman after another and died of a broken heart a million times, until I fell in love with one unobtainable woman and she fell in love with me back. The despair and pain are a thing of the past, I cannot even remember what they feel like, and I yearn for the purity of the cold air and the icy mountains. So let us mix the two. It is good to be separated from the one you love. I was unhappy as soon as I set off for Brussels and Berlin, but I was yearning for my love, and I could not wait to see her again. This was a good feeling, I need to travel more and feel this more. Rather than being with her all the time and yearning for freedom. I always want the opposite of what I have got. From one pole to the other, this is always the movement of my life, of my soul, of my heart, of my libido. This oscillating is what keeps my mechanism in motion and producing electricity. If this movement is stopped I become clogged up and I stagnate and start to rot in my own juices. For cleanliness and health, I need to be allowed to swing from the loving bosom of —–, to the most rampant purifying pornography and prostitution. I must allow myself this, and I must institute it. If she will allow it, then all for the good, if she will not allow it then I cannot blame her. Today we are together buying ferns. I must start my one day trips to Vienna and Berlin and Munich as soon as possible. I do not have the money. I have no money in my bank. I have no spending money but I have to go.

If I’m in a strange city or even in my own I always feel more comfortable and relaxed in the red light districts

If I’m in a strange city, or even in my own, I always feel more comfortable and relaxed in the red light districts. Even if I’m drinking in a normal pub, I like it to be next to a strip club, I feel so much more at ease. Tallulah and Esmeralda calm my soul. To do something naughty, and cross some line, is so exciting and so relaxing, even if, or perhaps especially if, one is married to someone deeply loved. Like soldiers returning from the first world war taking morphine to cope with the pain of their wounds but then becoming addicted to the morphine, my response to despair was pornography and prostitution; when the despair passed and I became happy I remained addicted to the pornography and prostitution.

When I started going to Berlin I would meet seriously stunning voluptuous women

When I started going to Berlin, I would meet seriously stunning, voluptuous women; they would go from their daytime jobs behind the perfume counters of KaDaWe or Wertheims to sit in the brothels by night—9s and 10s. But now, I don’t know what happened, the women are desperate skinny bitches or ugly crones, the worst most desperate examples of womankind. It made it easier for me to stop travelling and easier to remain contentedly married, so I should not complain but still, it is bothersome.