A personal memoir of autism, Asperger’s, pornography, prostitution, strip clubs, strippers and Soho–JOURNALS: VOLUME 1 (1996-2001) by Ernst Graf (£3)

volume 1b

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I miss the street girls of the Rue des Commerçants—the Café Jimmy corner, the Flamingo Bar corner, the Rue des Magasin corner

I miss the street girls of the Rue des Commerçants—the Café Jimmy corner, the Flamingo Bar corner, the Rue des Magasin corner; they gave the street a life and a vibrancy; I’ve no idea why people protest against them. Now that long street is just empty, and completely lifeless. Bravo. A great improvement. The same deadness at the top end of the Adolphe Max since the closure of Cine ABC and California. I thought when Mayeur was forced out in bent disgrace his successor Philippe Close might take a more enlightened view of the street girls, but in fact the clampdown just became more total than before. Closed them down he did, Monsieur Close. Aptly named, arsehole. Though it just occurs to me, his disgraced predecessor was Mayor Mayeur.

Stuttgarter Platz has been reduced to 10% of what it was

Stuttgarter Platz has been reduced to 10% of what it was, if you want to talk of quantity of clubs. But if you want to factor in the QUALITY of the remaining floozies, just 1% of what it was—back in 2003, 2004, 2005, 2006. Thus the ice retreats, further and further. Climate change irreversible—just a question of WHEN all the ice will gone, not IF it will happen. You mark my words, not only whores and porn cinemas, but one day in our lifetime even pornography will be banned, even masturbation will be banned. Anyone possessing an old black & white photo of a naked woman will be hunted down and ostracised like a pariah. Thus the emasculation, castration (Islamisation?) of Europe runs out of control. 102 already.

Brussels (7)

Stupidly I’ve been saying they want to get rid of the street girls in the Rue des Commercants but now I discover it has already in fact happened (in theory)

Stupidly I’ve been saying they want to get rid of the street girls in the Rue des Commercants but now I discover it has already in fact happened (in theory). I was reading they have moved to the Chaussee d’Anvers, Blvd Baudouin, and Albert II Laan. The girls I see in the Rue des Commercants are just the diehard remnants who have flouted the new instructions? Prostitution is not illegal in Belgium, and street prostitution is not illegal, so I’m not quite sure by what device they can make them move. That would explain why even in summer I was shocked to see so few girls in the Rue des Commercants. By then they were probably already in the new place (just about 100 yards north). And yet why have I never SEEN any street girls in those places? Last night after leaving Fifth Avenue I made a point of walking along the entire length of the Blvd Baudouin back to Brussels Grill and I never saw a single girl. I will actually go up the Chaussee d’Anvers and Albert II Laan today to look harder. 1128 Tuesday morning. Proper raining.

I do not understand people who can live their lives without beer

I do not understand people who can live their lives without beer, and pornography and prostitution. I just genuinely cannot. They are so much the crutches of my life, I do not understand anyone who does not need these crutches. Where is their opium? What are their highs? Is this addiction to these opiums sign of my sickness? I honestly feel I am MORE healthy, MORE alive, than those their boring mundane lives without these things. We all live life from our own angle, our own perspective, and find it hard to contemplate any other. Certainly, for myself, I can only say I only feel alive when I am doing these “naughty things”. It is only the naughty things that make me feel alive. That cost me my marriage, that cost me the love of the one woman who remains “behind my defences”, but I have to be true to myself. We only have one life, and it is so short.
Brussels (22)

I was born 20 years too late

I was born 20 years too late. The 1890s sound fantastic, the 1920s in Berlin sound fantastic, but in the modern era, the 1970s perhaps was the golden age of pornography & prostitution in Europe. I didn’t discover these wonderful places till the 1990s, just as they were about to go into decline—due to Internet—easily accessible pornography for everybody—and new bizarre Puritanism. The death of the sex places is understandable even to me. When I was growing up, if I wanted to see a naked woman I had to go to Soho—because it was before internet. Now if I want see a naked woman I just open up my internet. No.1 reason for the death of the sex places right there.
bellydancer (88)

Beer, pornography & prostitution—the greatest things in life. My 3 drugs. My 3 opiums

Beer, pornography & prostitution—the greatest things in life. My 3 drugs. My 3 opiums. I travel to indulge the opiums. Already in Soho (since my career in infamy began in 1992) I have lost Carnival Strip Club, Astral Cinema, Sunset Cinema, Soho Cinema, Boulevard Striptease, Pleasure Lounge & Peep Show, 50% of the “French models” flats; in Berlin almost all of Stuttgarter Platz, Chocolat, Hanky Panky/Stutti Frutti, Mon Cheri, Golden Gate, Starlight, Night Dreams, Blue Bananas, Cascade Sex Kino all gone; in Vienna Pour Platin, where I lost my Vienna virginity. Not just closed, but knocked down, razed to the ground, an empty hole in the Gurtel like a missing tooth. It is like someone is deliberately going after all the places that have given me erotic pleasure, illicit thrills, sleazy pleasure, and closing them down one by one to leave me with NOWHERE left to go. Last year, I lost Fortuna Kino in Vienna and Flying Scotsman in London; this year I am sure WSK in Vienna and the street girls of Brussels Rue des Commercants. This is why I want to travel more & more, faster & faster. You may wonder why I have never gone to the most famous red light districts, of Amsterdam and Hamburg, even Antwerp; but I am a creature of habit. Brussels, Munich, Vienna and Berlin are my homes. Well, Munich is over for me, and in fact I am more likely to go to Nuremberg, and Berlin feels pretty much over as well, with the 90% loss of Stuttgarter Platz. When I see strip clubs and night bars close down, I feel sad. Normal, respectable establishments make me feel so depressed. I do indeed have a mind completely bitten by the serpent of sex, and I cannot understand why everyone is not like me. But, it has to be sex without emotion, sex without “relationship”. Pure priapic, erotic rampancy. Sex for the pleasure of sex, sex for the visual pleasure of sex. Sex as just hands on pornography. I am really phobic to emotions. Only one woman has ever got through my defences, and remains “behind my defences” (in a kind of perpetual offside position).